I was a weird kid growing up, I was born old, or feeling old, and the only people I could easily communicate with were the elderly. I couldn’t understand children no more than they could understand me. I was an alien whenever I was among them and even more so in groups, where I always felt like the odd one out. Sort of like the black crow in the midst of bright summer colours, reminding everyone that winter is coming …
This is a typical Aquarius feeling, but for a Leo Leo, it was hard to swallow the need to belong and always be unaffected by my self imposed aloofness. I lived my childhood in books and escaped in painting and drawing where I could colour my own world and cast myself into whatever role I chose and that worked for a while. But as I stepped into that dreadful initiation into adulthood we call puberty, everything changed.
My inner Leo confidence began to wane and my Aquarius detachment started to fade away. I wanted to be seen for who I was and I longed for the world to hear what I had to say. Yet while everyone else seemed to be able to express themselves with ease and be accepted for who they were in return, I kept feeling awkward and was met with raised eyebrows, big eyes, rolled eyes and every variation of ”huh” you can think of.
It wasn’t until the end of high school, when I read my year book messages that I realised how others really saw me. In their eyes I was interesting, authentic, intelligent, confident and self-assured and they admired my ability to stay out of gossip and all the shifting cliques that came in and out of being throughout the years. Their mirror neurons saw a completely different person than what I had composed as my own self-image.
It took even more years to realise we all have the same experience of teenage years and that none of us goes through that initiation unscarred. None of us come into this life prepared and none of us can or will listen to reason at that age. We all go for the “fake it till you make it” philosophy and we hold on to it with our claws and fangs lest we be exposed for the vulnerable creatures that we really are. And most of us make it, till we don’t.
And this is exactly what today’s eclipse is set to reveal. All the ways we are not ourselves, all the ways we lie to ourselves, all the ways we become someone else, someone we think will fit in, someone who will be accepted, someone who will make it. Someone who will stand out just enough, not too much and not too little. Someone who can be original within the parameters of the establishment. Someone who can be different, but not too different. Someone who won’t rock their boat or anyone else’s boat.
One way or the other, your boat will be rocked and whether you are toppled over or not is up to you. You can be who you think you are or you can be who you really are. You can be who everyone else tells you to be or who you know is the best you that you can ever be. You can show the world your collection of masks or you can show the world your true colours. You can give the world your constructed idea of self or you can give the world the best of yourself. You can give the world permission to decide your idea of self or you can give yourself permission to be yourself.
You have sovereignty.
This eclipse window will be open for two weeks and will keep unfolding for months to come. If you want to know more on how it may affect you please feel free to contact me.