Seven years ago I came to this country carrying only suitcase and some dreams, leaving behind friends, family and a country I didn’t yet know I would miss. My partner then, and husband now, insisted we left on the 7th and, trusting his intuition, I agreed. Little did I know that seven would be sprinkled on our path like breadcrumbs leading us deeper and deeper into the unknown. From the number of our seats in the plane to the instructions that got us to our new place and people and places that helped us along the way, seven tied our life together into a fabric beyond our understanding.
Later that year we found ourselves in a quaint little village and apparently I was heard wondering out loud: Wouldn’t it be nice if we lived here? The cycle that had brought me to The Netherlands had come to an end and, unbeknown to me, another was starting, I was planting seeds of the unknown again. Seven years later, life has found a way to bring me to that quaint village and, as I am looking out the window at the clouds passing over the little white houses, I can’t help but wonder, what cycle is starting now?
In the astrology of archetypes, the planet Saturn rules time and our passage through time, also known as karma in some traditions, and rules structure in general, in the outside world and bones in particular, in the inner one. Saturn takes roughly 28 years to revolve around the Sun and return to the same position it was in at the moment of our birth and every seven years it makes a point to make what is called a ”hard aspect” to its initial position, marking a moment of initiation into the hard facts of reality.
As I look back at my life, every seven years or so, there was a major disruption and a major restructuring, of my self, my body, my world and my place in the world at large. At seven, as part of an ancient Romanian practice, I was looking over my father’s bones, learning at the same time who my ”real” father was and why I would never meet him. At 14, my whole body shut down and, while undergoing bone surgery, I had my first out of body experience. At 21, life floored me so hard I thought I would never recover again.
But at 28, for the first time ever since early childhood years, life was unfolding smoothly, I had a comfortable corporate job with an upcoming promotion, lots of friends, a loving family and a committed partner and also a growing spiritual practice. And yet, something felt off, life seemed empty and in that emptiness a longing was growing, a longing that I could not identify, but that I could not ignore either. So we packed our suitcases and left, you see, my partner was also sharing the same longing.
What followed were seven years of gradually turning inwards, going deeper and deeper inside, following the trail of that inexplicable, yet irresistible longing. Coming here I had to forget everything I knew and everything I thought I was, life was slowly stripping me of every illusion and replacing it with mystery, uncertainty and the unknown. And yet, as I was slowly discovering, it was also revealing an unshakeable trust and the nature of my longing, the desire to surrender and be carried by life rather than be driven by the ego.
Today, as I prepare to enter another Saturn ring, I feel more comfortable in my ability to navigate the stormy weather and I trust in my ability to find the peaceful eye of the hurricane when everything around me and inside me will start shifting again. I know that in the mists of the unknown and the winds of uncertainty I will find a more authentic expression of myself and a more genuine embodiment of this life I call self.
What about you, where are you on the Saturn spiral, are you just coming out of a cycle having found your clarity and vision again, or are you just about to dive into the unknown with no oars to sail? Or maybe you are midway between an ending and a beginning, finally being able to see what you’ve left behind and what you’re about to enter. Wherever you are on this never ending carousel, know that it always gets darker before it gets lighter and, as everything else in this life, this too shall pass …
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